Clearing the chamber…

Spot: Target/Restaurant/Home
Chic: 32/Italian
Body type: Fit/ Great ass
Occupation: DABA Girl

I’m doing laundry and I realize that I’m missing boxers, t-shirts a few hoodies. First thing I think is they are in the laundry. Wait I’m doing the fucking laundry! Then it hits me, every time a chic comes over, I “lend” her clothes but I never see them again.

Decided I need to re-up on the necessities for the walks of shame.Head over to the nearest Target to get some cheap clothes for my future guests. I’m walking thru the aisles and who do I see? The cunt from the previous post. Let’s call her “Baby Voice”.

This chic gives the term bubbly a whole new meaning; she is basically bouncing off of the walls. Eventually she drops the bomb, she want to do dinner tonight. Thinking with my cock I say ok. The mind numbing conversation over dinner wanted me to again slit my throat. Like seriously, what the fuck makes her think her sons well being is my concern, I’m not the little runts father.

Side note: She was buzzed on 2 glasses of wine so I drove her to my place.

We get to my place, now usually I would actually make an attempt at foreplay, but tonight was going to be all about me. Needed to clear the chamber of a couple rounds, you know get the cobwebs out. After that, it is whatever.

Or so I thought.

Now in my experience whenever a chic tells me “I don’t usually give head,” she inevitably ends up being a champion cocksucker. The ones who say they never do it, do it the best. However, Baby Voice was the exception. By far, she gave the worst blow job I have gotten, she had no technique, her teeth felt like a cheese greater on my shaft, never felt her tongue unless she was licking my cock like it were a fucking lollipop.

I never understood why she was bad at giving head, I mean she was a great kisser…

The first few times she had given me head she made it clear that I couldn’t cum in her mouth, I can respect that, afterall I wouldn’t want to cum in my mouth. So in the past I would give her a tap on the head when I was about to cum.

All of a sudden, she starts with the fucking baby voice again. You have to be a fucking pedophile to enjoy a chic sucking your dick while saying “do you like it baby, does it turn you on?” in a fucking baby voice!

That was enough, I couldn’t take it anymore, it was a moral imperative (if you know what movie that line is from ill give you an autographed t-shirt) that I blow my load in her mouth.

As soon as I came, she let out a little yelp like a wondering mutt and looks up at me. Imagine her calling me an asshole while she still has a mouthful of cum dripping down her chin.

Me, being me, started laughing my ass off, like any other chic She got pissed and spat my cum back on my face, grabbed her clothes and said she was going home.

Still laying in my bed trying to get over the fact that my cum is all over my face, she walks back into my room and has the nerve to ask me for a ride to her car.

Being the gentleman I am, I said no, that’s what they have cars for.

Eventually the cab comes and she leaves.

When I hopped into the shower, I broke down laughing at the fact I was now washing my spunk off of me.

Its true what they say, karma is a bitch!

Cougars do it best…

Spot: Her place
Chic: Sindhi/39
Body type: Fit/yoga and pilates
Occupation: Fashion

Fast forward thou the night, at a bar (on the corner of Rt 303 and Oak Tree Road) surrounded by a few friends, dozens of firm pieces of college ass (chics that lack morals) and $2 dollar shots. Let the games begin!

We had already been there for a couple hours when one of my wingmen was called back to base by his ball & chain, leaving myself and three buddies to swim in this sea of liquor floating with pussy.

After draining my battery texting every woman in my phone (imagine they made plans for Thanksgiving Eve because I didn’t call then, WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE???), Eventually I get the “come over text” I was waiting for, just not from a chic I really cared about hearing from. For those of you that are on the daily email chain, this is the one that said she like younger men because it makes her feel young again. One word, SLUT!!!

After promising not to have sex with her she agreed to have me over to her place. Figured her pics looked good so why not drive 35 mins to get my end wet, better than waking up alone, or worse yet coyote ugly!

Side note: Up until this moment I had never met or spoken to her her, we have been emailing for about a week or two (found her on match.com) and she keeps saying all she wants is a good man (then what the fuck was she doing talking to me, oh wait I lied to her).

Finally get to her condo while making my way to her apartment I started hitting on some chic in the elevator, why not, 2 birds one stone, well elevator girl wasn’t having it, some bullshit about going to see her BF, Bollocks I say. I get to the Cougar’s door and this gorgeous chic opens the door dressed in lingerie and high heels. First thing I thought about was my bullshit promise not to have sex with her. Fuck that noise, no one opens a door in lingerie at 130 in the AM without intending to at least suck my dick. It would be like me inviting a chic over to just hold hands and watch TV.

I walk into her apartment and there is an open bottle of wine and two glasses waiting for us, after the usual Hi’s and whats up, we start the dance of acting like we aren’t gonna fuck.

Cougar: Oh my god, my day was so hectic, i cooked blah blah fucking blah…
Me: nodding and pretending to care about what she is saying
Cougar: How was your day, anything exciting?
Me: nope, but tonight looks promising, Ill let you know when you make me breakfast (smirk on my face)

After a good 20 mins of her yapping away, I say fuck that noise and reach toward her and start kissing her, and rubbing her thighs to get her into the mood all of a sudden she says, “remember your promise, we aren’t having sex tonight, I don’t usually do these things.”

Don’t usually do these things my ass, as I heard that I knew I would definitely be waking up naked in her bed with or without her. She could have slept on the floor for all I care. We keep making out, eventually she ends up on top of me and her subtle C cups are spilling out of the corset. What is a guy to do? Play with the fun bags of course. She starts stripping me down, have to say she is talented, she took off all of my clothes without skipping a beat while kissing me. I guess older women are talented.

All of a sudden, my stomach feels wet, I look down and realize, ladies and gentlemen, we have a gusher. I looked up at her and she had the smile of the devil on her face, she notions as to say its time for us to take this to her room, we get in there and there are paddles and what some would call some pretty sick shit in there.

Let me tell you I nailed this bitch to the wall, there wasn’t a thing she wouldn’t let me do to her. Eventually we are done and she tries cuddling. What do I say?

“I don’t usually cuddle with chicks I just had sex with.”

Cougar starts crying and saying that I’m just like every other guy that just uses her for sex, was it me or didn’t she say that she doesn’t usually do this kind of thing?

So I do what any self respecting man would do, turned away from her and said if you want you can give me a massage.

Next morning we wake up and I’m getting ready to leave, her mom calls. All of a sudden I hear this angelic voice speaking in another language, while she has her hand over my mouth so I cant make a sound. I was like WTF!

Then I remembered that she was an Indian chic and even if she is 39 and unmarried “she is still a wirgin yaar!”

Moral of the story, older women and younger women are all the same, SLUTS, if they are Russian well they are Slutski.

Its been about a week since I came in her eye and every day she email/texts asking when she will see me again.

Silly rabbit, if I haven’t answered you yet, chances are I will never fuck you again, much less look at you unless I’m in her neighborhood, drunk and horny….

Piss off you fucking cunt!