Whats your name?

Spot: Her place
Chic: 34/???
Body type: Great ass
Occupation: ???

This story starts off at a New Years Eve party.

Long story short, was talking to a chic and she had to leave.

Basically left there with my dick in my hand, I decided to start texting the chics in my phone, for those of you that know me and know how to really use a blackberry, I have a group in my contact list of women I can just mass text/email.

Finally I get a hit from this “woman” to come over. I say woman because she is 34.

Side note: Know this chic from match, was supposed to meet her a few times, but i was never that into her, so I just stood her up a few times without even a call to say piss off you stupid cunt. And as usual, up until this point I hadnt spoken to or even met her.

She is texting like a fiend, are you drunk, do you really want to spend the rest of nye with me and all the other bullshit some lonely self depricating insecure older piece of twat would say because they were alone with their dog for NYE, could have been worse, she could have been a cat lady.

I do what I usually do to women. LIE!!!

Make my way to Hacken-fuckin-sack New Jersey from the city, and she meets me in the lobby of her condo building. Get up to apartment and she cracks open a bottle of cheap ass white wine, would have been better drinking wine out of a box.

Let me tell you, she had a great fucking ass, the thing was big, round, firm and well you get the point. We start making out, and tearing eachothers clothes off, I’m fucking her, everything is all good. Eventually we pass out.

Wake up the next morning with the wrath of god descending on my head (hungover and possibly still drunk) I look over and this once pretty hot woman was a solid fucking 5 if that. Trying to sneak out her fucking mutt starts barking and wakes her up.

Here is the little mutt!

She is walking me out while I’m asking how I got there, she stops, looks at me and says, do you even remember my name?

I’m like yeah your Natasha right?

She starts flipping out saying her name is *******, then she starts crying, that I don’t care about her and all the other stuff a woman feels and thinks of when she realizes that she is a slut.

Seriously? You never met me before and invite me over for the night and you expect me to respect you, much less know your name. (I did remember her Match.com username) Then they wonder why they are on the receiving end of the shitter.

Clearing the chamber…

Spot: Target/Restaurant/Home
Chic: 32/Italian
Body type: Fit/ Great ass
Occupation: DABA Girl

I’m doing laundry and I realize that I’m missing boxers, t-shirts a few hoodies. First thing I think is they are in the laundry. Wait I’m doing the fucking laundry! Then it hits me, every time a chic comes over, I “lend” her clothes but I never see them again.

Decided I need to re-up on the necessities for the walks of shame.Head over to the nearest Target to get some cheap clothes for my future guests. I’m walking thru the aisles and who do I see? The cunt from the previous post. Let’s call her “Baby Voice”.

This chic gives the term bubbly a whole new meaning; she is basically bouncing off of the walls. Eventually she drops the bomb, she want to do dinner tonight. Thinking with my cock I say ok. The mind numbing conversation over dinner wanted me to again slit my throat. Like seriously, what the fuck makes her think her sons well being is my concern, I’m not the little runts father.

Side note: She was buzzed on 2 glasses of wine so I drove her to my place.

We get to my place, now usually I would actually make an attempt at foreplay, but tonight was going to be all about me. Needed to clear the chamber of a couple rounds, you know get the cobwebs out. After that, it is whatever.

Or so I thought.

Now in my experience whenever a chic tells me “I don’t usually give head,” she inevitably ends up being a champion cocksucker. The ones who say they never do it, do it the best. However, Baby Voice was the exception. By far, she gave the worst blow job I have gotten, she had no technique, her teeth felt like a cheese greater on my shaft, never felt her tongue unless she was licking my cock like it were a fucking lollipop.

I never understood why she was bad at giving head, I mean she was a great kisser…

The first few times she had given me head she made it clear that I couldn’t cum in her mouth, I can respect that, afterall I wouldn’t want to cum in my mouth. So in the past I would give her a tap on the head when I was about to cum.

All of a sudden, she starts with the fucking baby voice again. You have to be a fucking pedophile to enjoy a chic sucking your dick while saying “do you like it baby, does it turn you on?” in a fucking baby voice!

That was enough, I couldn’t take it anymore, it was a moral imperative (if you know what movie that line is from ill give you an autographed t-shirt) that I blow my load in her mouth.

As soon as I came, she let out a little yelp like a wondering mutt and looks up at me. Imagine her calling me an asshole while she still has a mouthful of cum dripping down her chin.

Me, being me, started laughing my ass off, like any other chic She got pissed and spat my cum back on my face, grabbed her clothes and said she was going home.

Still laying in my bed trying to get over the fact that my cum is all over my face, she walks back into my room and has the nerve to ask me for a ride to her car.

Being the gentleman I am, I said no, that’s what they have cars for.

Eventually the cab comes and she leaves.

When I hopped into the shower, I broke down laughing at the fact I was now washing my spunk off of me.

Its true what they say, karma is a bitch!