Shady’s back, tell a friend…

Spot: Restaurant/Bar
Chic: 32/Italian
Occupation: ???
Body type: Fit

Night starts off with me sitting at the bar, sucking down a Goose and Club, when my phone starts vibrating. Its her, she just BBM’d me asking if I were there. She walks in with the grace and poise usually not associated with a Match girl. We exchange the usual pleasantries and do the obligatory kiss on the cheek. Decide that a woman like this deserves a booth as opposed to an uncomfortable bar stool. We make our way to a nice dimly lit corner booth. She orders a Belvedere and tonic, OK she has taste. Over the next 45 mins or so we are flirting with each other, sexual innuendo is littered throughout the conversation and the light brushes of our hands on each others bodies begin.

Thinking she was a classy dame I thought maybe I should slow play this one and use the takeaway close. With my hand running the curves of her thighs I gently squeeze and say its getting late and I have an early day tomorrow, would you like me to get you a cab? Shocked she decided to parry my passe’ and says ” You can’t be tired, it’s not even 9 o’clock!” Bit desperate, but I ignored it.

Here was my in, so to speak. Nonchalantly I offered her the opportunity to come back to my place and keep the evening going over a bottle of wine (which reminds me, I need to stock up). Without hesitation she agrees. I ask the waiter for the check.

Side note: If you like the chic, pay with plastic. If you want to nail the bitch to the headboard, pay with cash and don’t be a douche. 20% if the service was good, more if the waitress is hot. Get a fucking money clip. No one keeps cash in their wallets anymore!

We make our way to my place. Now you can tell a lot by a woman’s breeding on how she walks on the street, i.e. if she walks on the side with the cars or that of the buildings. This one knew to stay on the side of the buildings.

We take a look at the bottles of wine on the rack and she goes for the Silver Oak, great a $75 bottle of wine for a chic I don’t know if I like. I break out the rabbit (wine opener you pervert) and pour two glasses. Whilst pouring I feel her creeping up behind me and running her hands up and down my torso, gently sliding her fingertips into my pants.

Great we are gonna fuck and I just uncorked a great bottle of fucking mother cunt wine!

Slightly pissed off, I turn around, pick her up and slam her against my fridge and start making out with her. In moments we were stark naked fucking on the counter tops, the couch, the floor and an old favorite, the stairs (thank you Thomas fucking Crown). By the end of it I probably painted her entire body.

There is something to be said of the older woman, they are vigorous to say the least and they know how they like it and let you know without saying a word. After a couple hours or foreplay and fucking we decided to call it a night and go to bed.

But she was insatiable, I couldn’t keep my hands off of her. I can’t even begin to tell you the last time I had great sex, much less went more than 3 or 4 times in one night.

FUCKING AMAZING!

6 A.M. my alarm goes off and its time to ditch the bitch shower and hit the gym. She is getting dressed, I’m thinking OK, Yes I fucked her the first night a met her (whore), but the sex was great, she is hot, geographically desirable and she hasn’t done the kiss of death. So I throw her a bone and offer her a toothbrush. Make her a cup of coffee, in a to go cup and I escort her downstairs to get her a cab.

Here it is ladies and gentlemen,

Chic: Thank you for drinks and I had an amazing time last night.
Me: I know, as did I.
Chic: Before I go, I just want you to know that I don’t usually do these things.
Me: (About to cry because she just became a cliche) What meet guy online or fuck him within an hour of meeting?
Chic: (Puzzled look on her face) What?
Me: You just fucked up any other chance of me seeing you again, now piss the fuck off you stupid cunt

She starts yapping away, Blah, blah, fuckin blah… Put her into the cab close the door and hit the gym.

Moral of the story;

THEY DON’T FUCKING MAKE THEM LIKE THEY USED TO!!!!!

Wigged out!

Spot: Joshua Tree
Company: Guys from work
Drinks: not that many
Chic: random

After about 20 mins of us flirting with them, I said fuck it and walked up to these chics and started talking to them, we pair off but still in a group.

Eventually I ask her if she wanted to get out of there and she obliged. Get back to her place making out, great kisser phenomenal body, all I can think of is what the fuck is wrong with this chic. Its about midnight and Im on her couch getting head when I started running my fingers thru her hair when I feel it move.

Yeah MOVE! I grab a lock of her hair and I tug a bit and it moves again, so me being me, realized it was a wig and i pulled it off expecting to find no hair or something of the sort. She jumps up and like a lost puppy starts looking for her wig.

Through the laughter I asked her why the need for a wig. To which she replied she didn’t want any of her husbands friends to recognize her in the neighborhood if she was with a guy.

Silly rabbit, do your hunting out of your neighborhood and you wont have to worry about getting caught (well not as likely).

Needless to say after her brief but concise explanation we did what we “came” to do…

CUM Bucket…

Cum – thick white fluid containing spermatoza that is ejaculated by the male genital tract

Bucket – typically a cylindrical vessel for catching, holding, or carrying liquids or solids

CUM Bucket – my date from last night.

Its about 1 p.m. on Tuesday and I am stressing because, I mistakenly scheduled 5 Match dates for last night.
Date 1; The Jewish chic
Date 2; The Cuban chic
Date 3; The Indian chic
Date 4; The Armenian chic
Date 5; The Spaniard

Scrambling for ways to make this work, I bite the bullet and decide I have to clip one off and reschedule her for dinner another night as opposed to drinks last night. The Jewish chic is the first to bite the bullet. So perhaps I’ll blog her over the weekend. At least I know she will swallow.
Next is the Spaniard, had to text her saying I was working late, worst case scenario i text her every couple hours saying I was still working.
2 down, 3 to go. Now I figured if I choose 2 different bars across the street from each other I can stagger my dates and give each chic an hour. On my way out the door the Cuban calls and said “something came up” happily I said OK (she prob blew me off for some douche). Now left with 2 chics, I begin to get in the mood for the night allocating say 2 hours a piece.
First I head to Brooklyn to pick up the Armenian, waiting on the corner of her street and like a true hooker she she hops into the car as if I were a John at Hunts Pointe coming for a blow job. Finally we get back to the city, a few martinis in and Im bored, this chic couldn’t keep my interest if she paid me, so I tell her that my buddy is having a problem and I had to go help him out leaving her to work the corner.
Walked up a couple of blocks and I meet the Indian, surprisingly she was pretty hot, got along great, decided maybe she has potential to date, so lets be honest you don’t wanna hear about me wanting to date some chic. Ended up staying with her for 5 hours.
Now properly drunk and horny I decided to text the Armenian, figured she would be up for a shag, and guess what I was right. Ended up meeting her at Marquee, god I felt old. She comes out with some Russian chic and we go back to her place in BK, I’m fucking her in every hole and she is a a screamer.
Side note: She is 26 years old, in Law School and lets just say I doubt you would want her to represent you.
I’m about ready to blow my load when I decided I hadn’t given a pearl necklace in a while so I pulled out, flipped her over and as I took off the condom I came all over her.
THIS IS WHERE IT GETS PRETTY FUCKING DISGUSTING.
She looks at me smiling, rolls onto her stomach, does a wiggle and dries/cleans herself off with her sheets and turns to me and says let go to bed.
Are you fucking kidding me, you just rubbed my cum all over your bed and expect me to sleep in it. FUCK NO! How many other guys jizz is probably smeared throughout her sheets.
I got up, threw my clothes on and hunted a few blocks to find a cab back home.

Worst make out line from a chic ever…

Spot: Blue Owl
Chic: 37/Indian
Body type: Fit
Occupation: Teacher I think

I’m on my second Match.com date for the night.

We are meeting at a bar around Union Square, nice spot, drinks are good, people are hot, I guess they just didn’t let ugly people in.

I get there about 10 mins early to settle in and make friends with the bartender (the bartender can be your best friend if you want to get laid with the chic or ditch the bitch) and claim my spot at the bar.

Eventually she gets there, orders a Tanqueray and tonic, she sits on a bar stool, pulls me closer so her knee is in between my legs (I’m standing). We are talking about why we are on match, she says I’m her first date, I tell her she is prob somewhere between my 100th and 125th date maybe off of match.

The refreshing thing is when she asks if I’m a womanizer I say yes, and this is where its starts to get interesting.

Her knee brushing up against my cock, she keeps leaning in sand smelling me. Finally her drink gets to her. After a sip she hops off of her stool while saying “How tall are you?”, before I could answer she lunges for my mouth and starts kissing me, my kind of woman, no effort at all.

She sits back down, chuggs her drink and says lets go back to her place.

Me, willing, ready and able decided I’ll make to trek to fucking Brooklyn for a piece of her ass.

Get to her place, we are fucking, I’m probing her ass with my finger to see if she would be into anal, and no resistance from her or her ass. I’m thinking this is fucking awesome, I had never fucked an Indian chic in the ass.

Side note: She sucked at giving head and kissing.

After about an hour of fucking we fall asleep, have to give her credit, she wasn’t a cuddler.

Don’t ask me what time, but her fucking dog jumps on the bed and I wake up to something licking my thigh, I’m thinking OK she wants round 2. I turn over and I see her little mutt licking me and I push it away.

I tried going back to sleep, but the mutt kept jumping on the bed, then I realized the entire place smelt like dog.

Thinking that karma gives you back what you give out. I wake up the chic and tell her to drop me home, I mean how many times have I had to walk out into the cold to drop a bitch home.

Almost to my place, she says that she wants me to add her on Facebook, being a nice guy this time I ask her if its Sarah with an H or without an H? She hits the brakes (thank god for seatbelts) and the car skids to a stop on the exit ramp of the Brooklyn Bridge. in Manhattan. All I heard was “who the fuck do you think you are, that you can fuck me and not even know my name?”

I really thought her name was Sara(h), apparently it was Sandra. Honest mistake right?

She starts going on and on about guys just wanting to use her for her body. So I told her, why buy the cow if you are already getting the milk for free.

I guess that was the last straw because she basically kicked me out of her car.

Few hours later, I get a friend request on Facebook from her, so I politely declined sending her an email saying I didn’t want milk for that cow anymore.

She texted me everynight after to meet up with her, but I guess the chase was better than the catch…

Target Identified, going in for the kill! (GOD BLESS NEW FUCKIN’ JERSEY!!!!)

Spot: Office building
Chic: Age unknown/Italian
Body type: Fit
Occupation: Unknown

********Update to post. After a few friends convinced me of possible legal action resulting in the posting of these pics, I decided to not punish any of you by taking them down, but rather blot out her face. ******

First off this post is going to be short, actually busy at work.
So I get to work early today, walking through the hallways to get to our offices when I see this little guidette.

Tanned, petite, fit, dark hair and an ass you could fuck all night long.

What is a guy to do? Ask her if she wants to get pizza and fuck? Nah, way too early in the day and I am not drinking. I do what i think any “gentleman” would do, start talking to her. Its amazing, how easy they are when they actually think you are listening to them.

After a few minutes of mindless convo I ask her out to lunch at this Thai restaurant next door (literally a Tao knock off) and she agrees.

Its now about 9:34 AM and we are chatting on aim, this girl (only 19 years old, hey she is legal) is a skank, take a look at some of the pictures she sent me.

Judging by the pictures I think I’ll be getting some afternoon delight! And maybe, just maybe I’ll take my own pictures of her and post em up on here, if I get her naked. Thank you Blackberry for putting cameras in the phones.

Stay tuned.
Oh and by the way, like every Italian girl, her name is Christina.